The usefulness of the car horn....

I realized today something that I have known for quite sometime... car horns are not very useful. Let's review some of the things that they are most useless for... Shall we?

1. If you know anything about the human psyche and how people are moved to accomplish things, how to motivate, or even just what pisses people off... you would know, that hitting on your horn when you're stuck in traffic, frustrated, and/or trying to move people along, is not really the most efficient use of your time.
   
   In fact, if I'm sitting in front of you in traffic, and you beep at me, you will startle me. Even if you feel like I've done something wrong, which I'm sure I have not, since I am a model citizen when it comes to driving... You will then make me realize that you're an impatient tool, and I would rather come to a dead stop and create any obstacles I could possibly fathom to disable you from advancing along the roadway at any length.
   
   I could be in a dire rush to save the world from utter turmoil, and I would not mind one bit adding an extra ten minutes to my commute to sit in the dead center of an intersection tempting fate, death, and your insightful blaring banging.
   
   I think that thought actually makes me feel a little like zen.
   
   Your horn will not make me move any faster. It will create a slow motion barrier in the edges of my motivation, and seemingly seize my brakes. The interesting part about it, is that your horn somehow doesn't seem to move matter either. The last time I saw a horn save me from a traffic jam was on the 12th of never. (Note: the 12th of never is a dmays-ism, and should be treated as such, perhaps copyrightable by law.)
   
2. Hitting on a horn to say hi to a friend that's walking or driving past only makes people that are actually paying attention, and walking or driving past shit their pants.
   
   We're trying to avoid chaos here folks.
   
   Please keep your 'hi' horns to yourselves.
   
   My father likes to hit the horn 'lightly' to say hi to his friends. Little does he know that they never respond because no one can hear you tap the steering wheel on the inside of your car. (There's no such thing as a light horn.)
   
3. Boys. (no you are not men) You will never attract the attention of an attractive person while serenading them with your testosterone blast. Please refrain from proving the fact that you will die single and announcing it to the earth. She will never go out with you.
   
   I can't remember a time when I heard a romantic love story... where a couple met because a girl was walking down the street, and a dude was honking his horn, and she turned around charmed and gave him her number.
   
   If she's cute, and you're not an asshole, be a man, and stop to say hi. Maybe she'll give you the time of day. Maybe she won't. If she DID answer your horn 'call of the wild', she probably isn't worth it, and she will likely cheat on you with the next SUV/luxury vehicle that creates the same stir.

So in hindsight. Please just don't use your horns kids. Just make sure they work for inspection. :)